Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
