Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize