fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
