I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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