My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
