is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
