And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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