Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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