do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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