Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
