Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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