If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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