dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
