Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My bed smells like the plague
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
