so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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