I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
