remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
