Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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