but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
