Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
