It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
