Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
