dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
