She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
