wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
