he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you never un-have a 4some
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
