i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
