He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
