the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize