I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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