I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
