another moral hangover. fuck.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize