remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
