Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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