i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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