smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
