Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
