I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
