Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
