just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
