Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize