Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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