she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
