I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
