what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
