I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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