Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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