I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
