I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
