You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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