my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
