If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize