I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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