After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
