I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
