why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Every concussion has its silver lining
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
