Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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