Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
