got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
