I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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