dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
