There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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