He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
50% drunk capacity currently
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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