just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
