I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
