I heard we made out
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
