i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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