i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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