I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
