Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
