It's Friday. Sex?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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