Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
