i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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