3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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