I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
