Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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