In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
