I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
