Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
